It’s that time of year you’ve all been waiting for! Naked Justin Bieber has returned to wish you all a very happy holiday season. He’s been plucking out some Christmas tunes on this Rick & Morty/Gravity Falls adorned ukulele. We heard him playing such fabulous tunes as “Deck the Halls (with my pants)” and “The Little (fully clothed) Drummer Boy.”
How are you getting your holiday season started? NJB can’t wait to spend this December with you!
With recent news events, Naked Justin Bieber wants to reassure you that he’s fine and that any photos released by that vindictive Instagram hacker were not related in any way to him. In fact, NJB is here for you. He wants you to let him know your concerns, worries, fears, and also what makes you happy.
“Gosh! Golly! Gee!” he says, “Nobody should have to go through what my predecessor and his ex-girlfriend are going though. I feel totes like they’ve both been seriously violated and I’m not OK with it.”
When we were in the initial planning stages of our vacation, the one thing Naked Justin Bieber was most excited about was the chance to meet the most beautiful woman of Deep Space Nine. His fascination and love of Leeta had been prominent in every planning discussion, and when he saw that Chase Masterson would be a guest on the cruise, NJB was beyond elated. The chance to meet his favorite Dabo girl, wife of Rom, and alternate identity of such and amazing and kind philanthropist was first and foremost in his mind. You can see him here waiting for her arrival in her own titular lounge with stage and appropriately set mood lighting. Leeta was very gracious and welcoming of all her fans and friends and stopped to pose for a picture with NJB. I don’t think he’s washed his face since.
On Day 3 of the Star Trek Cruise, the notorious (and awesome) Q held a masquerade ball. Naked Justin Bieber simply could not come up with a costume, however he did don a mask for the occasion. Sadly, he forgot to include eye holes and struggled a bit with getting around the ship. We found NJB in the Stardust Theater waiting to enjoy the “Crews Feud” game show. He may have been sleeping, but we’ll never actually know, will we?
It was a good day to die drink! Naked Justin Bieber attended the Klingon Pub Crawl during the Star Trek Cruise. The pub crawl was three bars in an hour with drinks overflowing for twenty minutes at each location. After the twenty minutes was up, the crawl would meander in a large group to the next location whilst greeting all we passed with a good and hearty “Qapla‘!”
Chancellor Gowron, son of M’Rel, upon meeting NJB quite loudly announced to all in the room, “I LOVE YOUR WEIRD DOLL!”
Our first stop on our amazing vacation with Naked Justin Bieber was Miami, Florida. We met up with some friends, had some coffee, and took in the local sites. This particular claw machine was located at The Alchemist, a restaurant in Wilton Manors, Florida. NJB insisted that he could “catch em’ all” and I’m pretty sure all he “caught” was a sore wrist.
It’s a brand new year! Happy 2017 from Naked Justin Bieber! He has a fun year planned for you ahead, but wants you to know that he’s been sorting through all the photos he posed for while on the vacation of a lifetime. Over the next few weeks, you’ll see some of the fantastic places NJB visited and get to meet a few friends he made along the way. Here’s NJB watching out the window of a Boeing 737 waiting for take-off. Miami, Florida didn’t know what they were in for!
Ahh, the malls at Christmastime. Even though Christmas is over, it’s still technically the holiday season. The trees are still up and wrapped in lights over at Tempe Marketplace. Naked Justin Bieber was just spotted there taking a moment to scale one of the local light-wrapped palms when he noticed some lovely pink blooms. You know NJB cannot resist the beauty of nature when it is mixed with the possible threat of being electrocuted. Can you blame him really? It’s such a lovely thought.
What do you do when a dementor tries to steal your coffee? You point your wand and shout “Espresso Patronum!” obviously! Naked Justin Bieber saw this sign at the local Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and it prompted his sudden and inevitable desire to enroll at Hogwarts. Having no knowledge of the location of the famous school of witchcraft and wizardry, NJB wandered around the mall until he saw what appeared to be many Hogwarts students through the window at Hot Topic. He leapt into the pack begging them to tell him how to enroll, but they were all very stuffy and ignored him completely. Poor NJB. He’ll have to find another way to get into Hogwarts.
Naked Justin Bieber was super excited to find John Cena under the Christmas tree! He found him in plastic packaging and urgently wanted to release him from his bonds. It’s Christmas after all and John Cena should not be trapped in plastic! Of course, upon being released from his packaging, John Cena began screaming his own name. While this confused and bewildered NJB, he still wanted to help.
As you can see, John Cena’s action figure wasn’t having any of this and he took NJB down with a clothesline move. That’ll teach Naked Justin Bieber to leave well enough alone. Merry Christmas, Everyone!