Naked Justin Bieber wants to be a Gryffindor

What do you do when a dementor tries to steal your coffee? You point your wand and shout “Espresso Patronum!” obviously! Naked Justin Bieber saw this sign at the local Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and it prompted his sudden and inevitable desire to enroll at Hogwarts. Having no knowledge of the location of the famous school of witchcraft and wizardry, NJB wandered around the mall until he saw what appeared to be many Hogwarts students through the window at Hot Topic. He leapt into the pack begging them to tell him how to enroll, but they were all very stuffy and ignored him completely. Poor NJB. He’ll have to find another way to get into Hogwarts.